Summary of Fettling in 2018

Having not blogged for a while due to work getting in the way, I have compiled a short photo summary of my endeavours over the last few months.

I guess a series of before and after shots of various works is as detailed as it needs to be, I wouldn't want to put more effort into this blog than David Davis the Brexit secretary is getting away with in the course of his work!

I hope you enjoy this montage of my recent activities as I charge into the sunlit uplands of our post Brexit reality...

Now we've got our country back an associate of mine in our rural idyll in Staffordshire decided to help me out by doing a bit of casual road rolling 

 I guess the machine must of been foreign or something! It will take more than faulty non British machines to hold us back in the new age!

If you are at all concerned for the welfare of my associate you have obviously never met him..... The owner of the roller lamented that the driver had got off too soon, but was otherwise unperturbed.

The manufacture and restoration of antique rocking horses continues apace. With unabashed British grit and in an atmosphere of great professionalism and humility, we go about our time honoured traditional craft.

Personally I wish they'd automate the lot.... apart from the bit where i get to sand their bottoms!

Farmer Palmer approached me late last year with a booze storage problem.

"Can you help me fit more booze in my cupboard?" They said. In sympathy as Michael Gove now holds their livelihood in his rather slippery hands, I decided to forgo the usual beard stroking and sucking of teeth.... 

 

.... and produced this rather pleasing little wine cellar and bar amalgamation.

The department of the environment can go whistle now, who cares about the common agricultural policy when we can all get smashed in style!!!

Slightly randomly, here is a picture of a Scotsman cooking and selling mussels in Lambrini on the street.

He is laughing at you.

Concentrating again now, here is a narrowboat bathroom belonging to one of the great "Unwashed".

There's nothing I love more than getting stuck into a good stinking bilge, and with Boris Johnson's tomes of of Joy ringing in my ears I undertook to sort this mother out!

I found it helped productivity to sing sea shanties whilst imagining Jacob Rees-Mogg standing over me as supervisor, with a cane.

I think self employment has given me all sorts of funny ideas, and submitting myself to a bit of zero hours exploitation to be good practice for the future.

 That'll do then!

 

If last years shepherds hut in my previous posts were a £350 million promise, then this antique hut of my own is representative of the biting reality! 

I'd have tried to find some cheap foreign labour but there's a bit of a shortage of that in Staffordshire at the moment.

Getting into the positive spirit I decided to extend the apprenticeship scheme to make use of a bit of child labour. If i can find a top hat I've decided to try and get a job as an adviser on Moggsie's staff.

The boy done good,.... had to leave it there for a bit though... we had to put on our cravattes and spats to go and consult on a rather incongruous plan to build a road link to France, just as we've severed trade links with the French!

But where to sit and watch the drama unfold? How else to absorb these events at this exiting point in British history?

Why in front of a bespoke media wall unit crafted by a local artisan of course!

What better way to watch the political class stick it to Johnny Foreigner, than by also gazing at hand crafted furniture made with imported materials, by a half German anarchist descended from immigrants!

What could go wrong!

In Summary I'm under the impression that the powers that be would rather all the self employed, and indeed all workers bar their chums in the city, offshore, or in the hedge (wherever that is) were kept in working conditions and a level of dignity represented by this picture of me on the right!

What they continually fail to understand is that the great British workforce; versatile, determined, inventive, resourceful, and fantastically cynical, is more represented in their attitude to the political class by this picture below.............!

NB "Whisper"

In a World of such fast paced political change I hope its reassuring that Turds of various sorts are diligently still being polished in the Midlands!

Whisper is a leaky and rather scaly boat which needed "The Treatment" to restore her former glory...

As with all paint jobs preparation is key, and looking at the state of the job in hand,

  I've engaged the services of my old mate and committed Brexiteer, the old pirate ex captain of the Black Pearl

 After a quick chat about our unreconciled political differences we decide to crack on as the job wont do itself.....

Halfway through the arduous prep job the government in their wisdom upset the apple cart by announcing a snap general election!

Things were going very well with the captain I until that point, and unfortunately, like the rest of the poor British workforce, productivity took a nose dive as the whole "can of worms" 

was reopened and unceremoniously chucked all over the floor!

"Why cant we just be OUT like they promised!?" he growl's through the dust and noise in admirable and dilligent representation of his demographic. Trying not to imagine Blackbeard boarding some poor merchantman holding his sword by the pointy end with

 £350 million quid burning in his beard, I volunteer the following placations.....

"Look mate this boat is in a state isn't it..... but were not scuttling it in the basin are we? Surely putting our differences aside and trying to fix it is the best way forward.... we can do that cant we?"

Unimpressed with my nautical analogies and political idealism he began to vent his rage in true pirate style, as if there had been a free rum token in the daily express that morning...

Et Tu blackbeard? Is that mine own claw hammer stuck in the back of my head??

My inner anarchist was promptly uncorked.... 

Agreeing not to listen to the news we decide on a truce for the duration of the prep job (and hide our most dangerous tools/weapons till hometime).

 

Just Imagine what reform could have been like if we hadn't scuttled our own ship ?

The French and the Dutch clearly thought that the situation was worth salvaging!

Whisper is certainly shaping up with a bit of effort...

Lets face it even America will probably be back to normal (whatever that is) in a couple of years!

More skills and opinions add themselves to the foment in the form of canal legend and signwriter, Trevor Counsell.

The consensus being that its all a bit silly really and most of us humble grafters wont really be affected... The use of Grammar by radio four presenters on the other hand is only sloppy at best... what is the world coming to?

Whisper, however, has come up a treat in the skilled hands of Pirate, a Remoaner, a Taoist with a badger hair brush, and not least Bev and Andrea who restored all of their own brasses to an exceptional standard before refitting.

I guess in an Ideal world all of the politicians that profess to represent our best interests could work together just as our eclectic band of bodgers... but thats the paint fumes talking I think. 

Whoever gets in (and barring another complete poll malfunction we know who that will be) Can you do all of us the courtesy of following OUR example, put your differences behind you, and get on with some F*****G work!

Shepherds Hut Pt 2.

When building a boat one of the most common complaints is in the perennial lack of clamps. It seems that the same affliction has befallen this project... having said that, it has been pointed out to me that far from a shed on wheels this hut resembles an inverted boat on a trailer. Without a nail gun in sight, the screws hidden in here number over 4000! And there in over 1 1/2 litres of polyeurathane glue concealed between the boards.

 

 The old oak double glazed windows have cleaned up a treat. As to incorporating angles into things I question why i bother sometimes as the maths is a bit too much... but its worth it to sit on the finished item and have comfy bottom!

 

Chunky sturdiness and functionality is the theme with all of the woodwork. I doubt the average shepherd had it this good in the old days, 

 

As the job begins to finally take shape the Blacksmith next door offers to forge some shepherds crook shaped curtain poles. Now that spring has sprung the Mrs. also comes down to supervise the application of the exterior colours. Sometimes I don't know what i'd do without them!

I'm aware that iv'e probably exceeded the attention span of your average internet user these days... so heres a picture of some kids setting fire to stuff!

Taking care not to listen to the news in case the uncontrollable laughter at our unelected, right wing, brexiteering, frothing at the mouth, sheep flock of a government lessen our concentration; the finished article is carefully loaded onto a trailer and expertly delivered to its final resting place in west wales.

Skepticism about the safety of our careful winching technique eventually drew the oopaloompah's out of the chocolate laboratory.

Begging for habitation the hut is ready for a duvet, a bit of kindling in the stove, and the kettle on.

The thanks I owe to so many people that have supported me to bring this project to fruition know who they are... and my heartfelt thanks, love and respect goes out to all of them...x

 

Shepherds Hut

Shepherds Hut

Thanks to everyone for looking at and sharing my blog posts to date. After a busy year of work (not to mention some unprecedented global upheaval) someone has spotted my activities and engaged me in a new kind of project... 

I am constructing a shepherds Hut.

 It seems that the temptation to hide from the options of soft or hard boiled Brexit as waves of eggy Trumps roll in across the Atlantic, has made the alternative of sitting in a pre industrial shelter in the middle of a field  an attractive enough proposition to provide me with my latest endeavour in work!

The design is carefully and precisely worked out on the back of a napkin. Always the professional I mopped up the spilled beer and pork scratching crumbs from the table to ensure the highest level of precision.

 

Local metal sculptor Julian Childs has provided me with a very high quality steel chassis on traditional cast iron wheels.

Beautiful attention to detail includes scrolled beams and seperate fixings for floor bearers to avoid drilling into the chassis itself.  

 I dismantled  the chassis upon delivery to paint it and thoroughly grease all the friction surfaces

Painting the underside of the floor for longevity before turning over the sheets.

Cavity insulation under the floor will ensure toasty toes when sat in peaceful refuge from the bizarre developments in the world outside!

Unfortunately too cold for the leotard, my beautiful assistant casually models these solid oak double glazed windows. Thanks to lovely Gaynor in Much Wenlock for offering these on Gumtree... I think they will look good in their new home.

 In creating the solid but light superstructure I stick to screws rather than nails, and reacquaint myself with my old ally... Thixotropic PU woodglue. Cant escape those boatbuilding habits I'm afraid... Then again I'm aiming for quality and longevity rather than the bog standard "shed on wheels!"

More insulation and the hut begins to take shape.

  

The first milestone is achieved with covering the entire structure in a breathable waterproof membrane, and the fixing of the traditional "wriggly tin" roof.

Look out for the next post in the new year... progress to include the huts' fancy lining, woodburner, and twiddly bits!

Please like and share as lets face it... even my wittering has got to be better than reading the news!X